Ignore the critics, see San Andreas

Big, loud and dumb, one critic called the movie San Andreas.
Nothing but a series of computer generated special effects, harped another.
Don’t waste your money, said a third.
Mary Kay and I went anyway.
For one thing, it wasn’t our money. We had these Fandango cards my daughter sent us for Christmas.
For another, we have history with the San Andreas Fault. We straddled it outside a desert zoo in Palm Springs in 1999. To get there we had to ignore a sign that warned of possible mountain lion encounters.
“A 9.1 on the San Andreas is impossible,” U.S. Geological Survey seismologist Lucy Jones told Carla Hall of the LA Times. We read this on-line. She also said it’s impossible to get a tsunami from the San Andreas, so the tsunami scene in the movie is B.S.
That’s two more good reasons to stay away from San Andreas.
Mary Kay and I went anyway.
“I went home slightly dumber,” John Serba, film critic and entertainment reporter for MLive and The Grand Rapids Press, wrote after seeing the movie in another San Andreas review.
This one did give us pause. Dumber, you say? Hmmm.
Mary Kay and I went anyway.
“It is possible that San Andreas is the most morally despicable blockbuster ever made,” wrote David Perlman, San Francisco Chronicle’s science editor. “It is a sickening paean to selfishness, a movie that lionizes a public servant rescue worker who abandons his job in the middle of the greatest natural disaster in the history of America to steal a rescue helicopter to save only his wife and daughter, leaving thousands to die and suffer in his wake. It is, frankly, sickening.”
Is that an indictment of a movie, or what?
Did he really say “sickening”?
Mary Kay and I went anyway.
“The dialogue in San Andreas is lame, its plot both predictable and implausible, and the character development beside the point,” Michael O’Sullivan, of The Washington Post, wrote. “Even Dwayne Johnson, that force of cinematic nature and rock-ribbed charisma, doesn’t have enough charm to dig this mess of a movie out of the rubble of cliche it’s buried in.”
You think that would have done it.
But Mary Kay and I … well, you know.
And after seeing San Andreas, what do we have to say about the opinions of all these critics?
They are absolutely right.
San Andreas really is loud, dumb, predictable, implausible, impossible, and quite possibly a mess of a movie.
But go anyway.
You’ll love it.

Ed Ackerman