Molasses in January

What’s the slowest thing in the world?
An escapee from a nudist colony going through a barbed wire fence.

That joke was around when I was in seventh grade. I still find it amusing, if not funny.
It sort of makes sense. That person sure would move slowly and cautiously. But I’ve discovered something far, far slower.
Kids getting on a school bus in the morning.
Dear. Lord.
And if you just happen to be running a tad late, well, they become even slower. It’s almost like they can sense your urgency.
Watching them take their good natured time the other morning, I keep thinking of a paraphrase of a line made popular by Mad Magazine’s Alfred E. Newman:
What? Me hurry?

(The above headline, by the way, is how my late mom would have put it.)

Ed Ackerman