Yes, we’re still here, but …

I know you’re just as disappointed as I am that the world did not end last Saturday as predicted. I mean, how many times can we get our hopes built up like that only to be let down?
At least I learned my lesson the first time the end was supposed to happen and didn’t. That’s the time I blew out my credit card leading up to it. Bought a round for the entire bar the night before. What good is the world ending if you still have 15 grand of available credit on your Visa?
Well, I didn’t do that any of the other times. You know, fool me once.
This time, all I did was eat a couple too many slices of pizza Friday night. Only to wake up alive and drag my sorry behind to the gym Saturday morning. I cursed that David Meade guy the whole while.
Meade is the fellow who predicted the world would end on Sept. 23. And it really seemed he had his ducks in a row. Working with the Gospel according to St. Luke, which says “There will be signs in the sun, the moon, and the stars,” Meade deduced, and rightly so it seemed, the solar eclipse and Hurricane Harvey were all the proof he needed.
And by the way, Sept. 23, the date he predicted it would all come to an end, is exactly 33 days after the eclipse. Thirty? Three? The age Christ was when he died?
What, did he have to draw us a map?
Well, those of you who, as I, are still trying to work off that lavish last meal can take heart. Meade has revised his prediction. The world will now end on Oct. 15. So don’t go buying larger pants.
I’m leaving room for tiramisu this time. Or maybe an extra large piece of that blueberry lasagna at Marianacci’s restaurant that I love so much.
Might as well burn one of my sick days on the 14th too.
Just a word to the wise. Don’t go filling your tank with gas the day before. Don’t be that sucker.
I have to admit, however, I feel bad for Mr. Meade. And anyone else in his line of work. If you keep getting these end-of-the-world predictions wrong you are going to be out of work. But the first time you are right? You are going to be out of work. It’s not fair.

Ed Ackerman