I see a comb in my future

You probably heard the news, but you probably didn’t hear it the way I heard it. Or the way other guys like me heard it.
McDonald’s french fries can grow hair!
There were details, of course. Fine points. Something about a chemical used on the fries. Something about small doses. Something about rats in a lab. Something about it’s not exactly how it sounds.
But I didn’t heard any of that.
What I heard is:
McDonald’s french fries can grow hair!
It’s takes two things to have heard the news the way I heard it.
First, it takes being of the Hair Generation. Hair defined guys my age. Elvis saw to that. So did the Beatles. My generation wrote songs about hair.
Second, it takes losing your hair.
Yeah, yeah. Bald is beautiful.
Did anyone believe that lie?
True, the Rock has no hair. But he’s The Rock. And we’re not.
We want our hair back.
We want our hair back so bad, we’ll have it transplanted from God knows where on our bodies. Or we’ll join the Hair Club for Men. We’ll even consider hair in a can.
Well, maybe not hair in a can.
But nothing has grabbed my attention like this french fry thing.
My only concern is how many french fries do I actually have to eat. I mean, is a full head of hair worth tipping the scales at 300 pounds?
Oh, and one other thing.
My new french fry hair won’t look like Ronald McDonald’s, will it?

Ed Ackerman