Blame it on Mercury

In addition to flossing, getting to the gym, watching my salt intake, and paying attention to my wife, I now have one more thing to worry about. Mercury is in Retrograde. Again.
If this means nothing to you, don’t feel bad. I had not heard of it either until a couple of years ago.
Apparently every now and again, and on a more regular basis than you would imagine, an optical illusion occurs in space that makes it seem the planet Mercury is traveling backwards.
Big deal?
That’s what I said. But apparently it is a big deal.
People who study these things say Mercury actually plays a key role our lives. It rules — yes, rules, they say — communication, travel, business transactions and other such stuff. And when it’s going backwards, or Retrograding, even if it truly isn’t, this is bad.
I found a lot of info on Mercury Retrograde on The Old Farmer’s Almanac website and wound up losing a lot of sleep. Among the suggestions on this site is to “finish any tasks or projects at hand” before the Retrograde commences. I guess that’s because once this Retrograde begins, you don’t want to be tackling anything important.
Mercury, the site points out, will be retrograding three times in 2018, the first starting March 23 and ending April 15.
Which means I better get cracking’ on my taxes. I doubt the IRS will accept “Well, you do know Mercury was in Retrograde” as a legitimate excuse for screwing up my return.
Wait, there’s more.
Apparently Mercury in Retrograde affects different signs of the Zodiac differently.
A Scorpio, like me, the almanac website says, can expect his or her “secrets” to “seep out” during this period. So you might see my name in a headline or two.
A Pisces, like my wife, will exhibit “foggy thinking.”
Yes, there’s a joke in there. And a damn good one. But don’t expect me to write here. My life will go much smoother if I just keep it a secret.
Uh oh.

Ed Ackerman